The Cheeseburger Ethicists
Carolyn Creedon & Julia Williams
Issue date: 11/3/05 Section: Features
I was once a waitress in a fairly seedy diner on the West Coast. The hours were too long and the customers were annoying, but the money was good enough, so I stuck with it. One night I was cleaning up and taking care of the last few tables in the place, one of which was a lonely old guy with a hat who came in sporadically, always ordered the same thing, and was more or less polite to everyone. I'll call him Fedora. When Fedora finished his coffee and I handed him the check, he pulled out a large roll of cash and as he was paying, he made me an offer - said he'd give me fifty bucks if I'd give him my underwear. What he wanted this for, I will never know. But I, being down on my luck and having to pay the rent that week, took him up on it. Cheeseburger Ethicists, tell me: Was this immoral? Unethical? I know it sounds bizarre, but it's been haunting me for years. Please advise.
-Pantsed in San Francisco
Carolyn: Pantsed, I feel your pain. And if you'd signed off from Amsterdam or, hell, even Nevada, we wouldn't have a problem. But as it is, there is a slight ethical breach. Do I think it's wrong for one adult to trade a commodity, service, item, thing or thong for a fee? I do not. Merchants have been doing this for decades, ever since Monty Python's charwoman told King Arthur she was part of an independent collective. Yet, you were in the unenviable position-
Julia: (so to speak)
Carolyn: -of doing this little exchange at someone else's business place. And I'm assuming your panties were NOT on the menu.
Julia: Now, let's not make assumptions. I see your point, Carolyn, but I must also note that Pantsed sets her scene at closing time - this seems an important detail. There was no bustling business going on, no fry cook facing a full wheel of orders, and really no reason not to stop and talk with a customer for a few seconds. For all the difference it made to the operation, Pantsed and Fedora might as well have been conducting their exchange out in the alley (though I wouldn't have recommended that). While it's true that this woman was doing business in someone else's establishment, she was in no way hindering the restaurant's operation. I'm not up to date on the latest codes of business and lingerie ethics, but in my book, there's no real foul here.
Carolyn: Well, Pantsed, as long as you made sure to tip out the fry-cook and the busboy before you left, I think you're fine.
Julia: And possibly give a cut of the action to the kind soul who bought you those profitable panties.
Carolyn: ...Mom?
-Pantsed in San Francisco
Carolyn: Pantsed, I feel your pain. And if you'd signed off from Amsterdam or, hell, even Nevada, we wouldn't have a problem. But as it is, there is a slight ethical breach. Do I think it's wrong for one adult to trade a commodity, service, item, thing or thong for a fee? I do not. Merchants have been doing this for decades, ever since Monty Python's charwoman told King Arthur she was part of an independent collective. Yet, you were in the unenviable position-
Julia: (so to speak)
Carolyn: -of doing this little exchange at someone else's business place. And I'm assuming your panties were NOT on the menu.
Julia: Now, let's not make assumptions. I see your point, Carolyn, but I must also note that Pantsed sets her scene at closing time - this seems an important detail. There was no bustling business going on, no fry cook facing a full wheel of orders, and really no reason not to stop and talk with a customer for a few seconds. For all the difference it made to the operation, Pantsed and Fedora might as well have been conducting their exchange out in the alley (though I wouldn't have recommended that). While it's true that this woman was doing business in someone else's establishment, she was in no way hindering the restaurant's operation. I'm not up to date on the latest codes of business and lingerie ethics, but in my book, there's no real foul here.
Carolyn: Well, Pantsed, as long as you made sure to tip out the fry-cook and the busboy before you left, I think you're fine.
Julia: And possibly give a cut of the action to the kind soul who bought you those profitable panties.
Carolyn: ...Mom?