Not so cheap: Teen mom rejects the stereotype
Elizabeth Tuttle
Issue date: 3/12/09 Section: Features
During her pregnancy, high school teachers advised her to drop out, telling her that she would be lucky just to get into a community college. After telling her to drink 32 ounces of water in preparation for an ultrasound, a gynecological office turned Rose away due to her age. She was not allowed to sign herself out of school for her mandatory prenatal care appointments, despite the fact that her parents lived in another city. "I was disenfranchised in a lot of ways, and I didn't have any legal rights because I was a minor."
In Texas, a married woman assumes the status of a legal adult if her spouse is of legal age. In order to be able to sign into her own doctor's appointments and to open her own bank accounts, she decided to marry Cae's father, who was 18 years old at the time. "When I was deciding to leave Cae's dad, people were really shocked and rude," Rose said, recalling the comments and assumptions that took away her "agency and pride in leaving an unhealthy relationship." According to Rose, "If someone's not being a good parent, then I don't need to parent with that person."
After Cae's birth, she received a letter from the school's principal, scolding her for breastfeeding her son in public when in situations associated with the school. "When you start eating all of your meals on the toilet," she retorts, "then you can tell me to feed my son that way."
"It's really sad that when someone knows that you're a pregnant teenager, they automatically write you off," Rose states. "You feel a lot of pressure to prove yourself to people… People see me when my son's having a hard time, and instead of seeing a mother with a two-year-old, they see 'that teen mother' - a bad parent who doesn't know what she's doing."
Aside from these externally imposed obstacles and criticisms, however, Rose has few negative thoughts about her experience as a teen mom, and no regrets about her decision to have Cae. She insists that she has not missed out in choosing motherhood over what she sees as a packaged idea of "wild, carefree days."
In Texas, a married woman assumes the status of a legal adult if her spouse is of legal age. In order to be able to sign into her own doctor's appointments and to open her own bank accounts, she decided to marry Cae's father, who was 18 years old at the time. "When I was deciding to leave Cae's dad, people were really shocked and rude," Rose said, recalling the comments and assumptions that took away her "agency and pride in leaving an unhealthy relationship." According to Rose, "If someone's not being a good parent, then I don't need to parent with that person."
After Cae's birth, she received a letter from the school's principal, scolding her for breastfeeding her son in public when in situations associated with the school. "When you start eating all of your meals on the toilet," she retorts, "then you can tell me to feed my son that way."
"It's really sad that when someone knows that you're a pregnant teenager, they automatically write you off," Rose states. "You feel a lot of pressure to prove yourself to people… People see me when my son's having a hard time, and instead of seeing a mother with a two-year-old, they see 'that teen mother' - a bad parent who doesn't know what she's doing."
Aside from these externally imposed obstacles and criticisms, however, Rose has few negative thoughts about her experience as a teen mom, and no regrets about her decision to have Cae. She insists that she has not missed out in choosing motherhood over what she sees as a packaged idea of "wild, carefree days."
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 32
Eileen
posted 3/13/09 @ 8:31 AM EST
YAY Charlie!
Again you prove to be one of the smartest women I know. You can teach us all a thing or two! :)
Bianca Langford
posted 3/13/09 @ 1:06 PM EST
Preach on sista!
Laurie
posted 4/09/09 @ 3:54 PM EST
Amazing. You have totally broken my idea of what a "teen mother" is and can be. Rock on!
freckleface
Alum
posted 4/09/09 @ 8:17 PM EST
The "for whatever reason" some of us choose to wait to have children is so that we are in financial positions to be able to support them. Some of us have wanted children since our college (and high school) days, too, but have known that there's no way we could afford rent, food, and clothes on the type of jobs we could get at those ages that would also allow us to actually spend time with the child. (Continued…)
Jen
posted 4/09/09 @ 10:26 PM EST
Umm, isn't this an exception that proves the rule? This is *news* precisely because this kind of outcome is so rare. Take a walk down to Smith Voke or Northampton High and see how many teenage pregnancies turn out well. (Continued…)
sandy
posted 4/09/09 @ 10:49 PM EST
Charlie sounds great, and good for her. I'd prefer she not patronize "older" (!!!) mothers though -- the bit about "a really active level of involvement" is just crap, and insulting crap at that. (Continued…)
Grainne Gillespie
posted 4/10/09 @ 9:25 AM EST
Sorry, but a girl who DECIDED to have a child at 15 IS NOT a positive role model. She's sending out a message that its OK for teens to become pregnant at 15, it's not. (Continued…)
Jennifer
posted 4/10/09 @ 9:34 AM EST
Congrats Charlie on being a great mom and breaking some stereotypes. Good luck to you and your son in fulfilling all your dreams.
Edy England
posted 4/10/09 @ 12:36 PM EST
Many teen mothers fit the sad stereotype, but not this one. A quick trip to the main street in any medium sized UK city will show you the problems with teen pregnancy, but full credit to Rosie for handling it in a mature way. (Continued…)
Deborah
posted 4/10/09 @ 2:52 PM EST
I noticed there is no mention of how she pays for anything. Who pays for rent, food, clothing, insurance, etc., etc.?
It is outrageous and irresponsible to advocate having a child before one is fully equipped to care for them. (Continued…)
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