Sex and the Smithie: Let every woman define her own sexuality
Issue date: 3/11/10 Section: Opinions
The "Sex and the Smithie" column is written by a different Smith student each week.
I really enjoy being a Smithie. I love my classes and my friends; I truly appreciate that at Smith, it is normal to question the status quo. In my years here, however, I've encountered a trend in interpersonal dynamics that has truly upset me, and I feel the need to address it. I am certain that others have had similar experiences and feel the same way.
While at Smith, I've been "asked" deeply personal and invasive "questions" about my sex life and sexuality. I'm not referring to jokes or ribald humor - these were insistent, even aggressive queries of an intimate, profoundly personal and, at times, even graphic nature.
On one occasion, when I was shocked into answering, the query was followed by an equally insistent campaign to actually change my sexual behavior. I was stunned and humiliated, not sure how to respond to the fact that an acquaintance was callously invading my privacy, wresting from me some of my most personal emotions and hurling them into the public arena. I was shocked that she would presume that my sexuality was her business. By the time I'd wrapped my head around how angry I was at the invasion, my would-be converter had left. I couldn't even begin to figure out how to express how violated I felt, and that only made me feel worse.
I believe that every woman should be able to own her sexuality. This is often not the case in our culture, a patriarchal structure that suppresses and sequesters female sexuality, often for the purpose of exploiting it. I believe, as the different women who invaded my privacy most likely did, that reclaiming our individual sexuality is a crucial part of ending this harmful cultural setup.
I recognize that my offenders probably thought they were helping this act of reclaiming, this liberation. In the face of my clumsy, desperate attempts not to engage in these interactions, more than one of them expressed a sentiment along the lines of "but if she only knew!" or "it's so upsetting that she isn't liberated!"
I really enjoy being a Smithie. I love my classes and my friends; I truly appreciate that at Smith, it is normal to question the status quo. In my years here, however, I've encountered a trend in interpersonal dynamics that has truly upset me, and I feel the need to address it. I am certain that others have had similar experiences and feel the same way.
While at Smith, I've been "asked" deeply personal and invasive "questions" about my sex life and sexuality. I'm not referring to jokes or ribald humor - these were insistent, even aggressive queries of an intimate, profoundly personal and, at times, even graphic nature.
On one occasion, when I was shocked into answering, the query was followed by an equally insistent campaign to actually change my sexual behavior. I was stunned and humiliated, not sure how to respond to the fact that an acquaintance was callously invading my privacy, wresting from me some of my most personal emotions and hurling them into the public arena. I was shocked that she would presume that my sexuality was her business. By the time I'd wrapped my head around how angry I was at the invasion, my would-be converter had left. I couldn't even begin to figure out how to express how violated I felt, and that only made me feel worse.
I believe that every woman should be able to own her sexuality. This is often not the case in our culture, a patriarchal structure that suppresses and sequesters female sexuality, often for the purpose of exploiting it. I believe, as the different women who invaded my privacy most likely did, that reclaiming our individual sexuality is a crucial part of ending this harmful cultural setup.
I recognize that my offenders probably thought they were helping this act of reclaiming, this liberation. In the face of my clumsy, desperate attempts not to engage in these interactions, more than one of them expressed a sentiment along the lines of "but if she only knew!" or "it's so upsetting that she isn't liberated!"
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